Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Why does he insist on ruining mealtimes?

Tonight I worked hard on a new meal, Greek Feta chicken along with a Greek salad bowl underneath. He didn't even sit down to the table before launching into a diatribe about h having to eat food he hasn't seen before. I have only been talking about this meal and telling him what was in store for a week!
This on top of being so mean before the meal last night t h at I couldn't eat at all.  Sometimes I just hate him. So much / oh what does is so useless, with no other purpose than hatred,and law as us directed at me. I don't deserve it.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Hatred and quilting

He was so nasty about me quilting back in Buckeye that o was only allowed to quilt when he wasn't home. That was doable as long as he was working and I wasn't. Became a huge problem, to him, when he retired and I had to go back to work. I had to give up quilting completely for years and years, as he required all my attention whenever I wasn't working.
Now we are both retired and there is NO REASON why I shouldn't quilt whenever I want. That is according to me. But he is bitching about it more and more, even though I have limited myself to no more than an hour per day, when he is reading/asleep with a book. Doesn't seem to matter to him. Now I am a bad person because I am taking time away from him and the horses to quilt/creating beautiful useful textile works of art.
Why can't he just let me be? I compromise and compromise. I sublimate. I attempt to be and do whatever he wants and keep quiet about what I actually think. Nothing is good enough for him. He wants to control every minute of every day and even control my very thoughts.

Wednesday, April 06, 2016

What is the answer?

So what are you supposed to do when you are asked a question and there is only one answer that will be accepted and you have no idea what that answer is supposed to be? Meltdown is coming 90% of the the time, as there is just no tracking what answer he wants this time. I suspect that he would change the answer if I happened to give the one he wanted anyway. The point here is not to have a discussion or elicit information; the point is to have a yellfest and make sure I feel as bad as possible, since that makes him feel as good as possible. How much longer can I live with this?

Tuesday, April 05, 2016


He's on the warpath again, although I am not sure why. Things went to hell yesterday afternoon, when I hadn't even been home from the ride for 24 hours. He wanted to look at craigslist on my computer which is fine, but wouldn't look by himself for 5 minutes. AJ, come look at this. Then waiting until I tried to go do something, anything. AJ come look at this. I would TRY to look at it as wanting to share things with me except that he makes it so clear that he is totally uninterested in what I think about what he wants me to look at.
By suppertime I was a bit short about his interference with the way I was cooking and how I set up the table for the hot dishes. Why oh why does he need to go rearrange everything I did? And then he gets mad when I put it back the way I wanted it.
And after supper he made it very clear that he wasn't going to watch a DVD with me by sitting down in another room to read a book. So I chose a movie that he wouldn't want to watch anyway and sat down myself to watch it. That REALLY pissed him off. I don't know; I guess I was supposed to sit in a corner and cry.
By this morning he has worked himself into a rage. Can always tell by the ranting and refusal to listen to anything I say, not even answers to questions he asks. He only pretends to ask as an excuse to continue ranting. It is all getting so old.

Thursday, March 31, 2016


Bill just came through my bedroom door and caught me sewing, plus running the electric heater in my bathroom before going to bed.
So now I am in trouble because I went to bed an hour ago and shut the bedroom door but didn't go to sleep. What an ass; why does he think he is in charge of whether and when  I go to bed? I can't even imagine thinking I needed to monitor when another adult went to bed. That is what doors are for; so a person can do what they like without bothering anybody else.


But on the whole I prefer him not speaking to me. He has been stomping around yelling about me not doing anything around here and him having to take care of everything. All this because I said I would be going to buy groceries for my trip to the ride this weekend and did he want anything from the store. Evidently it is all my fault that we didn't go together to the grocery store anytime in the last 3 days. I did point out that he hasn't spoken to me since Sunday so how were we supposed to even make a grocery list. That just led to more stomping around and yelling that he is not speaking to me now either so I better just get my own food and he will get his.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016


He must be getting lonely. I actually got a response (monosyllabic) to 2 different questions I asked, oh boy, AND he changed the oil in my truck. I knew it was due, but also knew if I reminded him, that he wouldn't change it at all.

No change

Although he DID say no when I asked if he had fed the dog. Wowee, big progess. But I guess on top of joining me to watch a DVD I picked last night, it means he is getting lonesome. Not me, I rather like not being "helped", or instructed, or downright ordered how when and where to do absolutely everything.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016


2days in a row now , he has gotten in the car and gone to town without a word to me. Hasn't brought home any groceries; hasn't asked if we needed anything. I managed to put together a nice stir fry tonight and will do a tuna casserole tomorrow if need be, without the benefit of fresh groceries. I can even do a split pea soup Thur night if I have to, but I am leaving for the M&M ride Friday morning regardless. I will have to get my own groceries on Thursday whether he is speaking to me or not.
I really wonder what he gets out of this behavior. I spent most of the morning sewing in the bedroom, but as soon as I joined him in the front room to read, he left the room and went into the other room to watch a DVD. Tonight he never spoke a word during supper., so as soon as I cleaned up, I went into the other room to watch a DVD myself. He didn't speak but did sit down and watch with me until the end. Refused to say good night afterwards though. What a pain in the ass.
His plan is probably to make me so miserable that I won't go on the M&M ride, but it is not going to work this time. He did this before the Man Vs Horse last fall and I was so upset I pulled not 5 miles in. Not going to happen this time.
He only wants me to stay home so he can make sure I am miserable. Why would anybody want to be that way?

Continue to hate

Now this morning he has started to sit and glare at me in the same room rather than leave the room I am in like he did yesterday. Refuses to reply to questions or comments still. What a pain in the ass. It is cold and windy outside so I will just have to ignore him until he gets tired of this idiocy.