tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-245416432024-02-18T19:19:46.948-07:00Conversations with whomeverLuvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.comBlogger481125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-5849030194839663292023-12-18T22:08:00.001-07:002023-12-18T22:12:55.453-07:00Just checkingIt has been so long since I posted. i am getting pretty disillusioned with FB. Nobody really cares what i have to say there. Here, at least, if somebody follows me, it is because they DO want to know what i think. Have to ruminate on next steps. yes!Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-58409604471199755782022-02-06T08:01:00.006-07:002022-02-06T08:01:40.283-07:00Life is better.My arthritis has improved to the point that i am able to knit again, as long as I don't overdo it. This is good, as I have always felt like i should be doing something else at thecsame time when i watch TV. So that has brought me back to Ravelry, and that brought me back here.Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-56575430486692170432021-07-15T19:21:00.003-07:002021-07-15T19:25:24.291-07:00Checking in It occurred to me that most people might be getting tired of my Facebook posts about my puppy, my garden, my cooking, my life! So I thought I would come here and write sometimes just because I want to write but I don't particularly care if anyone reads it or not. Before I could do anything, I had to delete at least 6 spam posts that were pretending to be me but weren't. If it happens again Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-84980054215171966992019-11-11T18:27:00.001-07:002019-11-11T18:27:50.332-07:00I get trapped in a loop of negative thinking sometimes. Like, why doesn't anybody invite me anywhere? Why did my sister and her family all go to my uncle's and not invite me? Why hasnt anyone invited me to Winey Wednesday?
Well duh, maybe everyone is waiting for me to heal myself and start showing up at these places voluntarily. I need to become more outgoing and stop just automatically Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-83195381561344536062019-10-28T20:41:00.000-07:002019-10-28T20:41:00.312-07:00So that is only 34 years that I was treated badly and put up with it. Big deal.
What people need to realize is that it was NEVER all bad, at least not until the last 4 years. Narcissists choose the strongest, most vibrant personalities to destroy because that gives them the most kick. "Wow, I am really wonderful. Look what a great person I have subjugated and destroyed.!"
In order to Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-88854043558952904412019-10-28T20:30:00.001-07:002019-10-28T20:30:03.520-07:00Actually I was pretty much myself, loved and cherished (I thought) from the time I moved in with Bill until after I had the ileostomy surgery in 1984. So that was 4 short years of thinking I was loved, then I had surgery and became well, and became the target of accusations that I had changed the rules, that I was no longer the same person, etc. Yeah, I became well after being sick off and on Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-65515386592781643192019-10-28T20:24:00.001-07:002019-10-28T20:24:29.539-07:00For 38 years, the only time I could be myself was when my husband wasn't around. Why oh why did it take me so long to realize how very wrong and unacceptable that is was?Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-72525163272829354532019-10-21T22:35:00.001-07:002019-10-21T22:35:07.558-07:00I will definitely have a hangover tomorrow, as I have been reading back in this blog over the last few years. I believe writing here is the only thing that kept me semi-sane. Now I have to concentate on becoming fully sane again.Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-75465659978272705432019-10-21T21:54:00.000-07:002019-10-21T21:54:10.846-07:00I DID leave, just over a year ago. So much has happened, but life is just so much better now. It got better as soon as I left, and continues to do so. I have gotten divorced, not without its problems, but it was final May 30. Exspouse remarried 2 weeks later, and announced it by taking his new wife on a trail ride with MY riding club. Luckily I wasn't present at that one.
I have bought a house inLuvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-54145489020870726252018-10-02T17:04:00.001-07:002018-10-02T17:04:53.346-07:00Leaving?Tomorrow I have an appointment to meet a landlord and see her studio apartment and barn in Williamson Valley. I can work off part of my horse board by helping out with her horses, as she is a trainer and has several going all the time. A woman more for less my age but who has been divorced for many years.I am terrified to take this big step and realize that the next year will be godawful while Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-76532356945036014572018-10-01T21:56:00.001-07:002018-10-01T21:56:51.503-07:00[Shared Post] When you have a relationship with a Narcissist you will ALWAYS be admonished, isolated, silenced, punished and BLAMED. ANA - After Narcissistic Abuse posted: " From my Book - From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462614209&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+t"Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-50548638673329982652018-09-26T18:39:00.001-07:002018-09-26T18:39:24.114-07:00Narcissist in the houseIt is not right that I should have to take antidepressant drugs just to cope with living with him, even when he is making an effort to pretend normalcy. He just cannot resist telling me how to cook, how to even cut the dang green beans. How i should have done the sweet potato, etc. And he thinks this is being super-nice.Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-41463713499399355912018-09-24T18:05:00.001-07:002018-09-24T18:05:44.148-07:00EscalationI may really end up single this time. I alternate between hoping so and being scared to try.I thought I had mastered the art of seeming to be contrite during his tirades while not providing any additional fuel. But the last couple of weeks his anger has gotten worse and he is starting to get physical about it. Last week he punched me hard in the arm when we were in the truck and he took exceptionLuvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-47789609694188220292018-09-01T17:52:00.001-07:002018-09-01T17:52:34.376-07:00Fwd: @font-face{font-family:Calibri;panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;}-------- Original Message -------- Subject: From: AJ Wischmeyer <aj.wischmeyer@gmail.com> Sent: Friday, August 31, 2018, 10:41 PM To: AJ Wischmeyer <aj.wischmeyer@gmail.com> CC: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2017/08/11-signs-youre-the-victim-of-narcissistic-abuse/ Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-88160764523397313532018-09-01T17:45:00.001-07:002018-09-01T17:45:56.827-07:00Tonight's TantrumThey are all different but they are all the same. Tonight he is evidently embarrassed about getting out a pork roast to thaw this morning instead of 2 pork chops. I discovered it when l took out the bag to come to room temperature And I was going to season the chops while they sat. Sooo, I just pointed out that the roast could be sliced horizontally and grilled like boneless chops. Big deal, Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-31302861658319097872018-07-03T08:24:00.000-07:002018-07-03T08:24:59.585-07:00Even this forum insists on changing words as you go along. It is so frustrating to try and write anything. You have to keep going back to change the words back to what you wrote in the first place, and often more than once. Even in my last post, it changed the word xray twice and even then managed another sneak change before I published. I wonder if that will happen again.
Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-75025049155945130092018-07-03T08:11:00.001-07:002018-07-03T08:25:47.758-07:00Things have not really improved. Oh, intermittently, but not on a sustained basis. Got up this morning and was told that since HE is feeling unhappy, I am required to lose 40 lbs, sell 2 horses, and find a better dr. The better dr part is because I had an appointment yesterday and came home with a referral for a hip xray rather than being diagnosed and cured right then and there.
I MUST get away Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-71752752534129355142017-07-19T18:34:00.001-07:002017-07-19T18:34:42.314-07:00No trackingRefuses to give a time or approximate time what he's cooking will be done, but will be madder than hell if what I am cooking isn't ready at exactly the same time. Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-39451793700176298782017-07-19T16:09:00.001-07:002017-07-19T16:09:42.801-07:00Emotional abuse number 5678.....He made me stop seeing a therapist because I was talking to her about my biggest problem. That being HIS treatment of me. Its not allowed to have anyone else know how he treats me. Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-4103130527834107462017-07-18T14:28:00.001-07:002017-07-18T14:28:46.847-07:00Why?Because making sure I feel bad is the only thing that seems to make him happy now. Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-72427485153434911042017-02-21T15:18:00.001-07:002017-02-21T15:18:30.963-07:00AbuseI think I have finally figured it out. He is trying to drive me to suicide so that he won't have to split up our community property if/when I leave him. This continual emotional abuse is hard to take. He wants me near him all the time and has horrible fits when I try to do anything on my own. Especially and including trying to sew. And yet sewing is necessary for my emotional health. Wait, Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-61562890448829442132017-02-04T19:02:00.001-07:002017-02-04T19:02:04.705-07:00Sustained tortureCan I hold out until he starts having strokes? I have tried to think so, especially as the screaming, spitting, and foaming at the mouth rages have any increased. But I am no longer sure I can do it. He is so far gone that he wants to throw me out now, with surgery in the nextonth, and he has decided that HE will decide what kind of surgery, and HE will have me declared incompetent, because "Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-67164732373089544892017-02-04T18:55:00.001-07:002017-02-04T18:55:39.636-07:00AssholeishnessI believe he is actually trying to throw me out even BEFORE my next cancer surgery. I have found that hard to believe even for him but the last couple of days' behavior are definitely pointing that way. Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-81854148729147954052016-12-21T22:00:00.001-07:002016-12-21T22:00:55.772-07:00Make up, sure.He started speaking again yesterday, but it didn't take long to figure out that it was only so he could bitch at me and run me down. I got a few more hours respite by poibing out that it was so much better around here when he was refusing to speak. But today he pretended to make up again but by this evening all he wanted to do was bitch about politics and how stupid I am to be upset over Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24541643.post-45433250866660045402016-12-19T21:21:00.001-07:002016-12-19T21:21:07.639-07:00Standard abuser behaviorI read an article today about how the Trump uses standard abuser behavior to get his way, and it made all kinds of bells and whistles go off on my head. Refusal to compromise on anything; willingness to go to war over the smallest slight. Check. Exaggerated horrible behavior so that a return to everyday meanness and malice seems benign by comparison. Check. Micromanaging, ordering about, Luvkukuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01515603379240021111noreply@blogger.com0