Saturday, October 17, 2015

Inconsistency, or why do I always have to be the scapegoat?

Get this.  The same asshole that had a horrible screaming fit at me 2 nights ago because I started cooking too early (at around 5:30) and he didnt want to eat until after dark has NOW had a screaming fit because it was 5:30 and I hadnt started cooking yet!  I am so sick and tired of this crap.  I am beginning to wonder if I can outlast him, if I can stay alive until he dies.  Sometimes that is the only way I can go on, by telling myself how I CAN outlive him, how surely he will kick the bucket when I can still appreciate the time along.  But I dont know.  It is harder all the time, as his mental state gets more and more unstable, and he denies statements he has made and things he has done, etc.  And accuses me of everything you can imagine thats bad.  I am damned if I speak up about anything, and damned if I dont, because he has decided he always knows what I am thinking.
I rarely speak at home anymore, but I doubt if it helps.
It must have been like this for my mother when my dad went demented.

No comments: