About drunkenness

Sometimes it is the only defense. I could go to the doctor and try to get a super heavy duty antidepressant, but I have done that before, and it makes me basically uncaring and nonfunctional on any level. I keep it in mind in case of need, but actually find that drinking every evening is a better solution. That way I can still function during the day and try to anesthetize myself at night. Evening is when his nastiness and malice hit the hardest, as there is less to do and think about.
Today I am still being punished for last night's defense. I made a very yummy ham, hominy, and blackeyed pea stew with leftover vegetables. Not a word out of him, just ate and refused to speak the entire meal. Me, I just make light small talk and try to pretend that he is NOT a total asshole and refusing to speak in order to punish me for speaking.