Monday, November 11, 2019
Well duh, maybe everyone is waiting for me to heal myself and start showing up at these places voluntarily. I need to become more outgoing and stop just automatically doing everything alone. I KNOW that is the main way I have had to do things for a very long time but those days are ovet. If I want friends I have to make friends. And I am just about there.
Monday, October 28, 2019
What people need to realize is that it was NEVER all bad, at least not until the last 4 years. Narcissists choose the strongest, most vibrant personalities to destroy because that gives them the most kick. "Wow, I am really wonderful. Look what a great person I have subjugated and destroyed.!"
In order to do that, the y have to give you enough positive to keep you in the marriage. If they miscalculate the target (you, me), and you get away, they have failed. And that is an unthinkable outcome.
Monday, October 21, 2019
I have bought a house in my hometown, Hugo, CO, and am going to live happily ever after. I have posted a lot on F acebook, but sometimes want to get deeper in my psyche than FB is really designed for. So here I am.
Tuesday, October 02, 2018
I am terrified to take this big step and realize that the next year will be godawful while trying to extricate myself from this relationship but at the same time I can't wait. I can't go on living like this, with my every thought and utterance monitored and heavily criticized.
I fully expect Bill will contact everyone I know to try and convince them i am crazy to leave him. I know he will even make up shit as he has done in every argument since I have known him. I can't let that stop me yet again from freeing myself from him. In the end, it will be a simple division of assets, with no one interested in whether he wants to hang onto me or not.
Monday, October 01, 2018
[Shared Post] When you have a relationship with a Narcissist you will ALWAYS be admonished, isolated, silenced, punished and BLAMED.
| ANA - After Narcissistic Abuse posted: " From my Book - From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462614209&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+t" |
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Monday, September 24, 2018
I thought I had mastered the art of seeming to be contrite during his tirades while not providing any additional fuel. But the last couple of weeks his anger has gotten worse and he is starting to get physical about it. Last week he punched me hard in the arm when we were in the truck and he took exception to my passengerside imaginary braking when he rolled through a stop sign.
And now this evening he kicked me, evidently because I wasn't contrite enough about going to the ER with chest pains. In his mind, the panic attack diagnosis means that I must have told at least a hundred people bad things about him and he didn't get a chance to tell them all that he is really wonderful and I am crazy.
Actually nobody including me said a word about him, but it was a mistake to tell him so. He is first and foremost the only person whose thoughts, feelings, actions, matter and that really cranked up the screaming and spitting a notch or 2.