Frustration

My chances to actually do some sewing/quilting are so limited now. Even when I have a day off that DH is not here, I still have so many things to do that I'm lucky to have an hour or two to sew. So when I DO sit down, I want to have everything I need right there.
Today I ran out of my dark purple fabric for my Eureka Log Cabin. I can cut or sew no more until I replace it. So to the stash closet I went in perfect confidence that another dark purple would shortly be forthcoming. HA!!!
I, I'm ashamed to admit, got so frustrated and angry that I pulled 3/4ths of my stash down on the floor in wild disarray. And no, I didn't find another dark purple. I found several lighter shades to use when I run out of them in other blocks, but definitely NO DARK PURPLE. Shall I switch to black or dark blue or what? If I don't switch, I am stuck until another payday, a week away, when I can buy a yard at Bearly Stitchin. By the way, I went into JoAnn to buy a zipper last Friday, and I did look at their fabrics. But they charge nearly as much as a real quilt shop for really cheesey fabric. I am spoiled, I guess, from buying so much quality fabric over the years. I just don't want to even sew with that nasty cheap but expensive JoANn stuff.
And yes, I am still paying for all my quilt shop fabrics with my credit card debt which is the reason I can't even buy one yard of fabric without waiting for payday.
I give half of whatever I gross to DH and he applies it to one big credit card bill or medical insurance premiums. I use whats left to pay another cc bill and my line of credit payment and if there is anything left I buy whatever I want. Could be anything but isn't much of anything, as there isn't much money.
Things will improve if I can get on full-time at work. My paycheck last week was the first one with full-time hours (since somebody quit and I filled in) and I recklessly spent my share on candy and pop. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
DH is right to insist that he take care of the bills and that I give him most of the money, but I do hate to admit it. I don't think I would do it again, get myself in trouble financially, I mean, but you never know. I was on Zoloft when I was running up those bills and I just thought everything would work out somehow. Now I am not on Zoloft and I just don't see how it can ever come out all right.
I do a lot of crying but it is probably still better to not be on Zoloft.